The baseball season hasn’t even officially started and yet the Dodgers are already crushing my hopes and dreams. (Normally they wait until just after the All-Star game to start doing that, but hey, I can’t begrudge them for getting a head start.)

Kuo is “hurt” (I use that excuse when I suck, too), Furcal may or may not play in the opening game, and Repko is out for the season. All of this has happened during spring training, further reinforcing my belief that preparation (for anything) is a total waste of time, and apparently dangerous, too.

Sometime in the next few weeks I’ll be picking my favorite Dodger for the year, who will shortly thereafter be known as “that guy the Dodgers unloaded” (Piazza, Lo Duca, Izturis). I know players come and players go and that's just the nature of the game, but it’s really quite amazing how accurate and timely the Dodgers are when it comes to axing my current favorites.

I fear that the next Dodger to suffer the fate of becoming my favorite and then getting immediately let go may just be Furcal. This has nothing to do with stats (I’ve never used logic and reasoning to back up my feelings and I’m certainly not going to start now) but rather, something much, much more informative: his picture.

Furcal: I mean, does this guy like to party, or does this guy like to party? I'm pretty sure he was drunk when this picture was taken, and I wouldn't be a bit surprised to find out he was high, too.

Also in the running are the following players, along with the (again, totally logical) reasons why I like them:

Kent: A local boy that comes in and takes care of business. What's not to like?

Schmidt: He’s got his “Ima fuck you up” game face on. And I can respect that.

Garciaparra: I’m not sure why I like him. Which probably means it’s because he’s actually a good player. Oh, and he's a local boy, too.

Penny: He looks pretty tough, but I bet he really likes to cuddle (gross). Regardless, I have a thing for him.

Broxton: He kind of looks like Elvis, especially towards the end there.

Beimel: He looks like he really knows his way around a bottle of whiskey and a pill or two. And I can get behind that.

Hendrickson: He's freakishly tall, good looking, and has beautiful eyes. I hear he plays baseball, too.

Russell Martin: I always seem to gravitate towards catchers, just as I do towards bassists. As long as he doesn't do something foolish like bleach his hair a really unattractive shade of yellow (ahem) I'm down with him.

***

So fellas please, stop hurting yourselves during spring training. Stop trying so hard. These games don’t even count. Jeez. During spring training you guys should be making daisy chains in the outfield, not causing injuries that end your season before it even starts.

Thank you.